I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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