The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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