I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
