I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
