I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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