I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So much Jack, so little girl.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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