Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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