I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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