I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
