My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
