just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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