before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
