Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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