and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
