everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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