Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize