Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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