Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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