Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
