Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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