Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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