she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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