I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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