no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
