I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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