Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
