You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
