ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
