Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize