honey bunches of taint.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
