Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
So many bounce houses so little time
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
