well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I stole a fireplace last night.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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