I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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