Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
