I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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