I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
