This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
