Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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