That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
