I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
