I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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