I'm gonna have a badass scar
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize