I look better un-naked...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
