the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
