your room smells of hookers.
And success
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
