Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Randomize
