either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
