she looked like the bat from fern gully.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
