worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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