well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
