you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
