I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
