My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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