don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
