New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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