she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
