I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
