So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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