I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
