someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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