The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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