Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
