just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
