My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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