Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I deserve this hangover.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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