You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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