I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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