i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
