They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
