when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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