fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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