Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
