Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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