i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
