i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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