i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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